The One I Love

November 30, 2009 by therewillneverbeanotherelijahcandelaria

In case anyone asks, the title for this post is actually the title of that song popularized by REM. As of this typing, the acoustic-driven song softly yet emphatically plays in the background. Given my current emotional situation right now, I should be listening to Splender’s I Think God Can Explain instead, but here I am, bobbing my head to the tune of  Peter Beck’s guitar and Michael Stipe’s soothing voice. *sings* this one goes out to the one I love….. this one goes out to the one I’ve left behind…. a simple prop, to occupy my time…. this one goes out to the one I love…

I am on the verge of tapping out. I’m currently at a loss, and I have absolutely no idea on what to do, or to say about my situation. I’ve been on this scenario so many times, and I never enjoyed any of it…  I never liked the feeling of emotional pain, yet it has always returned to haunt me.

She confuses me, so much. And it has already started to affect me again, that same familiar, unwelcome feeling is manifesting itself to me once more.. catching me at a loss again.

I’ve had enough of this crap. I will not allow myself to be defeated once more. Risks are made to be taken, and I will take mine once again, to silence my already tormented being.

God help me…

Painkiller…

November 13, 2009 by therewillneverbeanotherelijahcandelaria

Many people find me weird, many people find the way my mind works as unusual and unpredictable. Even I cannot understand myself at times…

But when I am hurt, when I feel a different kind of pain, I understand myself well, and the hardest part is that there is nothing I can do to try to alleviate the pain. As of this moment, I can only let it linger and suffer through it, no matter how small or excruciating it can be.

I wish there is something I can do, I know her inside and out, but why do I feel like my back is up against the wall? For the first time in a very long time, this creeping, painful stab in the chest is making its presence felt yet again, and it is getting a little hard to breathe.

To her: I miss you. You know that. I always let you know how much I miss you. You are special to me, I’m sure you are aware of that, even if I don’t say it. Whenever we are together, all my problems disappear. That’s why, I try everything I can to make you happy and to make you laugh every time we are together. You, in your little efforts, overwhelm my heart with happiness and I long for you each and every day. After that August day, I may not have shown you, but leaving you slowly tore me apart. You made each challenge for me worth taking. Yes, you inspired me. Before I knew it, I was already being drawn to you…

You, my dear, are a diamond in the rough, and you have completely captivated me. I am your best friend… I want to tell you how much I care for you, that I will never allow anything or anybody to hurt you. Yes, you are a tough one, and I know you can handle things on your own, but I want you to know, that I am always here for you, even if I am not the one you need. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. There is nothing I won’t do that will hurt you. But right now, my mind is in a state of complete confusion, and I am powerless to tell you how I truly, genuinely and unconditionally feel for you. This is not the right time, for I am afraid that we may drift apart, and to lose you is my greatest fear of all… :(

I will always love you… more than you can ever imagine.

Ondoy (A late post)

October 12, 2009 by therewillneverbeanotherelijahcandelaria

Words cannot even begin to describe what befell Metro Manila on the night of September 26. Everyone expected a storm, but not with a magnitude as bad as this.

It’s like The Day After Tomorrow, the Philippines Edition.

cars relaxing in jacuzzi

Ondoy came and ripped through the entire NCR with no mercy and no signs of letting up at all. No city was spared. The cities that absorbed the most punishment were Pasig (where I reside), Marikina, Cainta, Antipolo, Caloocan, basically all cities that were close to the rivers. The situation was so bad that all surrounding dams had to be opened since the risk of the dam breaking has been raised to red-alert level. Both the NLEX and SLEX were closed, leaving many people stranded and the lucky ones being forced to spend the night in buses and their vehicles. I call them lucky because at the least, they were able to seek temporary shelter from the furious assault of Ondoy.

Here’s a personal account:

We live in an area in Pasig that has a high terrain, so we were spared from the floods and power blackouts. However, the same could not be said for the areas Pinagbuhatan, Mercedes and Rosario. My aunt’s 80-year mother and aunt lives in Parkwood Subdivision in Mercedes, and thanks to the fury of this storm, she got trapped in her own home, surrounded by chest-deep water that has flowed into her home.

Naturally, we were worried sick. Mercedes was already inaccessible to all vehicles, including trucks and buses. But we couldn’t let my aunt’s mom stay trapped there, she’s already 80 years old, and we had to get her out of that hell-hole, no matter what. Together with my aunt, cousin and our burly manang, we braved the treacherous flood that reeked to high heavens and was afloat with all kinds of crap that you could ever imagine.

My uncle drove us to Pasig-Rotonda. He could have taken us further, had the roads been still passable. But Rotonda was the end of the line for my uncle’s pick-up truck. My uncle lent me his waterproof flashlight and we continued on foot to Parkwood subdivision, a good 20 minutes away (without the flood).

As we neared Mercedes, the waters were slowly and disturbingly becoming deeper. All sources of electricity were absent. An above-chest level of flood water and pitch black darkness stood in our way to my aunt’s mother’s house. There was a possibility that the waters were infested with snakes and frogs (which happen to be my ultimate phobia). But right now, the lives of my aunt’s mom and auntie were more important than my fears. We trudged on through the long stretch of flood and darkness for about an hour. The waters did not even subside, but it was better that way, rather than to let it grow deeper.

When we got to my aunt’s home, they were in such a sorry state that we felt that we needed to get them out right then and there, even if it means carrying them on our backs and going back to that awfully long road in Mercedes. Fortunately for us, a group of good Samaritans in the form of street children helped us carry my aunt’s mom and auntie with the use of an inflatable bed. We took the road to Stella Maris instead, we didn’t want to go back to Mercedes.

After the rescue operation, my tita bought Andoks liempo and chicken as a reward for all of us. We ate like we just came out from a major workout at the gym, that’s how much the effort took its toll on us.

After God flooded the Earth and saved Noah’s family, He promised that he would never flood the earth again. After recalling that bible story, I realized that the devastating aftermath of Ondoy was not an act of God.

It was our own.

Something to laugh at….

September 19, 2009 by therewillneverbeanotherelijahcandelaria

Some pics I grabbed from the net that are certified stress busters…

Okray mode activated..

Enjoy! :)

gays in secret

malalanding mga bata...

Masakerista ng... TUNDO?! Did I read that right?!

The names are the best here...

My favorite picture! =))))

there's a hidden message, read it.. =))

Just stop it Erap!

September 19, 2009 by therewillneverbeanotherelijahcandelaria

Seriously, Joseph Estrada is already beginning to annoy me more than ever.

Despite the slowly accumulating charges against him, with the Dacer-Corbito Murder case, threatening of the Yuchengco family and the supposed planned sanctioning of Jueteng among others, EX-PRESIDENT Joseph Ejercito Estrada is STILL going on with his intentions to run for a second shot at the Presidential seat. Have you no shame Erap?

You have been ousted already, you have fooled the masses into believing you are on their side, and now you are going to fool them again?! You sir, are the epitome of corruption and is not a good role model to anyone. You have the audacity to attempt such an evil plot again.Your Arthro commercial sickens me with its subliminal message of you “running”. Oh please, I’d rather die of suffocation than to see you win.

I don’t even see the logic why your son is defending all your crimes. He lashes back at Senator Lacson for exposing your true filth, by saying that Lacson is involved with the Kuratong Baleleng issue… sir Jinggoy, I laugh at your stupidity. This issue is long over, everyone already knows about Lacson and KB. It’s been what, more than a decade? You Estradas are just running out of excuses, with your backs up against the wall already. GMA shouldn’t have pardoned Erap for his long-deserved punishment, she should not have gone easy on him and STILL kept the sentence of Reclusion Perpetua shoved down Estrada’s gullet. I do NOT want a country run by a thief, murderer, womanizer and a criminal again, what about you?

Quoting Ping Lacson: “God save the Philippines from Joseph Ejercito Estrada!”

erap estrada

Rediscovering Pearl Jam… 19 years later.

September 15, 2009 by therewillneverbeanotherelijahcandelaria

The 2009 Edition is out now on all music stores.

 

As of this writing, Pearl Jam has just released a Master Edition of their very first album that has earned them the reputation of being the last successful grunge rock band of the 90’s era. The times when mullets were still accepted into society as a decent hairdo (I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist, lol).

I’ve read the review of this re-release from PULP which was written by Sir Joey Dizon, and I agree with a lot of what he said. Back then, Grunge was the rage of all genres, alongside Metal, just like Emo is the, I shudder to say it, “rage” in today’s rock scene (that was creepy). Pearl Jam has been accused of riding the grunge bandwagon, yet they remained unfazed, even if Kurt Cobain was close to calling out Jam’s frontman Eddie Vedder to a fistfight, calling them a sell-out when Alternative Rock boomed later on. Pearl Jam was considered one of the key bands of the grunge movement, and is undeniably one of the most influential bands of the decade.

Eddie Vedder, Pearl Jam's frontman... and one of my influences as a vocalist. :)

The Master release has 2 CDs: One with the original igitally remastered tracks of the Ten albumm, and the other has some more enhancements with eve more badass effects and guitars that the band mixed. For the new fans, suggested tracks from this album are Even Flow (keeps the blood and adrenaline pumped up), Alive (monster guitar-solo, I promise), Jeremy (Finger-pickin’ good on the nine-bass and a song with a strong statement.. this song has an immortal status already, listen and be awed), and Black (one of their most powerful songs in the album). Eddie Vedder is a brilliant songwriter and a genius vocalist, he can really bring up the mood with each song. I haven’t bought it yet, but this is one CD that I’m planning to get myself for Christmas. I suggest it to everyone too, especially to the seasoned, veteran rock fans out there. :)

Though Pearl Jam may have lost its luster with age and the changing times, they will forever be enshrined in the hearts of grunge rockers alike, young or old.

I Exist!!!

September 13, 2009 by therewillneverbeanotherelijahcandelaria

Man, finally… FINALLY!

I never thought it would be possible, langit sya at lupa ako. Orig sya at pirated ako. (Alright, cut the crap…)

I am finally in the radar of the goddess known by the name Cristine Reyes, yes, smack right in her cross hairs. Please shoot me. :)

So,  today I decided to go to Robinsons’ Galleria and have my FHM magazine (which was not in the best of conditions…) signed by the new religion herself. I made some friends during the wait too. One of them was a veteran in autograph signings and he gave me some tips on a successful autograph-session euphoric experience. Hats off to you, Roger! :)

After a small dinner of Burger King and Coke, at exactly 6:13 PM, Sam YG announced the arrival of Cristine Reyes, much to the adulation and joy of the eventgoers, myself included.

And there she was…

where forth art thou Cristine, fair maiden? :P

That was the first time I saw Cristine Reyes in person, and I’m not joking, she is a goddess. . ’nuff said. So, up she went to the small stage, was greeted by Sam YG, who happens to be my most favorite of the three hosts of Boys’ Night Out (Toni Tony and Slick Rick are the other two… too bad they weren’t there at the event.), and made her way to her seat. Then, the autograph signing commenced! I gotta tell everyone, the feeling as we drew closer to the stage was like waiting for your turn to defend your thesis proposal in front of man-eating panelists… it was nerve-wracking! Except that my thesis proposal was my FHM magazine and Cristine Reyes was the lone panelist, and DEFINITELY not a man-eating one. :) ) Ang ganda ng panelist ko ah, hahahaha!

Then, at long last, it was my turn… several emotions washed over me, I needed to maintain my composure dammit! Good thing I wasn’t sweating like a hog. lol

I wanted Cristine to know who I was, the one who wrote her that song with CHEESY FANBOY written all over it.  But how will I let her know about it without sounding desperate? I slowly took to the steps and was instantly face-to-face with my ultimate crush.  Without a thought, I blurted out:

Cristine, nagustuhan mo ba yung song?

She suddenly looked up at me from my magazine. Her face lit up.

“Ikaw ba yun?! Wow, thank you…! Ano name mo ulit?”

:)

She remembered! Wahahaha!!! I sheepishly smiled and gave her my name. I also offered to rewrite and enhance my song for her, to which she happily obliged. Before I went down the mini-podium, she invited me to join her thread on PEP, and expressed her thanks once again. I thanked her in return, gave an even sillier smile and left.

Wow.

Just like that…

Right now, I’m again at a loss for words. Today was tiring, yet invigorating. :)

Finally, she knows I exist. :)

Thank you Cristine, labyu too! Hehe! *flashesstupid-looking grin again* ^_____^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

*flatline mode... DNR* lol

Blogging is therapeutic?

September 12, 2009 by therewillneverbeanotherelijahcandelaria

So, this is my first time to create a blog in WordPress (as suggested bymy cousin froidbelle, if you wanna know who she is, she’s just your typical angst-laden emo girl that is a master in finding “okrayable” stuff in almost anything and anyone, and I love her for that. Hehehehe… here’s her blog, if you want to partake in her lo-and-behold-the-greatest-show-on-earth life.

So much for plugging there, now here’s something about me:

I’m 22 years old, fresh out of college, and in dire need of cash and resources. Now that I’m part of the job-hunting society, I can honestly agree that it IS hard to find a job. I’m actually more than a month removed from my contract in a callcenter that I worked in, and to be honest again, if blogging could help me earn to support myself and my family, I’d be willing to absorb all the radiation of the computer until I get skin cancer out of it. Yes, I’m serious. 24/7 of live streaming blogging doesn’t sound so bad right now.

Like my cousin froidbelle, I also enjoy making fun of the simplest things… no matter how shallow and ridiculous, as long as it can make me and the people around me laugh, just to get through a stressful situation. I’m also an avid fan of the bands Eraserheads, Sugarfree (Ebe Dancel is my hero, oh if he only knew that…) and Pearl Jam. And yeah, I’m a DIE-HARD FANBOY of Cristine Reyes. It made my week when she took notice of my song for her on Youtube. I was in euphoria for a week. :)

So, I guess that’s all I can say for myself for now. Feel free to get to know me more as I post my entries here soon.

 

Enjoy the Ride, my friends. Rak en Rol!